Do you know what stinks? Besides patchouli and sweaty feet, a negative critical attitude.
And what does this have to do with beauty? Everything!
Beauty comes from within and a negative, critical attitude makes us look like a sourpuss.
Ever find yourself getting annoyed with clichéd motivational posts? Do you make fun of super positive people, they just sound so “raa raa” fake and get on your nerves. How about those screenshots we send our friends of mutual enemies?
I feel like quite a hypocrite because I used to be that person. I can remember thoroughly enjoying picking apart women I didn’t like.
If there were blogs dedicated to poking fun at celebrities, (AND THERE IS!) you can bet I devoured them and laughed with glee. I grew up reading The Enquirer as a kid, (thanks mom) and thoroughly enjoyed all the celebrity gossip, especially when someone was filmed without makeup and didn’t look flattering.
You know what, I was a miserable hag, and no matter what I looked like on the outside, I felt ugly inside. Truth be told I still have to bite my tongue when I see reality TV stars gaining attention for all the wrong reasons. Interestingly, pointing out flaws in others never makes me feel good about myself.
I remember feeling bitter and envious about everyone and everything. I felt I had been handed a raw deal in life. I don’t want to blame my parents but we didn’t exactly grow up with any push toward success.
I made terrible choices during my teens, married and had children young and felt trapped in abject poverty. Just because we grow up in a negative environment doesn’t mean we have to set up camp and stay there.
I can’t say exactly how I started to change but I do know that my mindset played a critical part. Making an effort to seek the good and positive is key. And it is an effort, it takes extensive work to change.
Many great quotes and books about being positive and not making excuses have been written and shared over and over; but until you make some kind of head to heart connection, nothing will ever change. A good reading list is an excellent start.
When you begin to believe in yourself and see a way out of situations something changes within you. Even better is when you begin to believe in others and encourage them to chase their dreams. A beautiful thing happens when you take your mind off of yourself and focus on helping others.
If you find yourself making fun of people or criticizing, I would invite you to take a step back and examine yourself? Is this the best way to spend your time? Is it making you a better person? Is there a possibility you sound like a miserable hag too?
Did you know this type of behavior makes you unpleasant to be around, especially to successful people who are trying to avoid negativity. This behavior also affects marriages and relationships. I won’t tell you how many times my husband reminded me how much I was complaining, but trust me, it was frequent.
I cringe when I think of times I offended friends and acted like a jerk. My inner jerk tries to come out now and then but I keep her in check for the most part.
You’ve heard the saying, “putting out someone else’s candle never lights your own?” In fact it makes your candle grotesque and offensive.
We have no right to be critical of someone’s success or looks.
How terrible it is when someone finally steps out of their comfort zone and we shoot them down with negative comments. Do you know how hard it is to put yourself out there knowing that you are sure to be picked apart?
We as women want to fight against oppressive patriarchy but you know what, sometimes we are just as oppressive to one another. I guarantee when a women wants to step out of her comfort zone a big fear is what other women will think.
When attending a big event lets be honest, unless you’re on the hunt you care more about impressing your fellow females and hope it’s not you they’re snickering about when you walk by and hear that wicked laughter that only we recognize.
There are many reasons why we do this to each other but it needs to stop.
So what can you do to combat this negative mindset? “The First Step of Change Is to Be Aware of Your Own B.S.”
1. Don’t make excuses or play the victim. Own your situation right now. Unless you are in a cult and someone is forcing you to do things you don’t want, you are the reason your life is what it is.
Yes sometimes death, divorce and tragedies strike, but you know what, they come to all of us. It’s not an excuse to be toxic.
2. Speaking of toxic, you may need a new set of friends or to not be around family members who ooze negativity. I am not and never will be one of those people who condemn and guilt others for avoiding family. Blood is not thicker than water with me. If life is short I’m going to spend time with people who are enjoyable while I love others from a distance.
If you have someone close to you that is the old “crab in a bucket,” pulling you down with them, you need to make a break or your self esteem will suffer.
3. Find encouraging people to listen to through podcasts or read books that will uplift your mind.
I highly recommend any book by Brene Brown. Rising Strong was my favorite. https://amzn.to/2yJisnU
4. Here’s a tough one. Find something nice to say about someone you’ve roasted. Also stop stalking them on social media! Nothing good will come of you focusing on someone you don’t like. Let sleeping dogs lie and move on with your life.